Self reflection: 5 life lessons I really struggle with

Self reflection is so important when you are ever changing and growing, it allows you to see your flaws but also your beautiful traits. It allows you to work on things and continually grow into a better, more well rounded person. I am never gonna sit here and preach I am perfect, that’s not realistic (only Meryl Streep is perfect okay?!) all jokes aside I do feel like personal development is a huge part of life, and growing and evolving is so important. So here are things that I struggle with that I need to learn fast.

How to compromise. This is something where my inner only child (well for 8 years) comes to play. I have struggled to compromise as long as I can remember because in them important early years where I should’ve learnt to I never had to. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be able to do it now at the age of 19, I just never got myself into that habit. Now before I make myself out to be a really spoilt brat I can compromise and I will, but I’m not in the habit of doing so. Sometimes I can’t see past my own ways and views and sometimes people just let me get my own way. In a relationship compromise is so important and that is why I am trying to get myself into a habit of it. I need to be able to see that what others need can be more important than what I need and so I am trying to become better at letting go of myself and saying you need this more than me go for it. If they can only give 10% I should be able to pick up the 90% for them until they’re ready to pick it all back up.

To ask for help when it’s needed (so basically to get over myself). This is very relevant to my life right now, I am going through the ringer right now and I’ve been needing to reach out for help for a while but couldn’t quite bring myself to do it. So recently I reached out to my college tutor to let her know how I was feeling and despite the fact I hated doing it I know it will help me in the long run. I need to remind myself I’m not perfect and I will need help no matter how independent I actually am.

You don’t control other people’s happiness, if what you’re doing is not enough that’s their problem and you need to stop. I’m a people pleaser and there’s no other way around it. I am always that person who tries to make people laugh or checks in on people to make sure they’re okay. Whilst that is a very positive trait to have, I push the boundaries and I damage myself in the process. What I struggle to realise is that I can’t be people’s happiness, I can try to make them happy but what makes them happy ultimately isn’t always going to be me. I need to be supportive and be there but I also need to take a step back and let them come to me when they need it.

Not everybody is always available to your beck and call. Be gracious and patient. I have been hurt in the past by an emotionally abusive relationship which put me into a state of mind that I was going to ruin everything I have with anybody I ever care about. I was damaged to a point where I believed I was worthless and that nobody will ever love me again. That had brought me to a place where I was constantly checking that people still cared and weren’t going to abandon me, and where I felt like no message was definitely a message. To cut a long story short I felt like if I wasn’t in constant contact with someone I did something wrong or I was now alone. I’ve been trying to work on that recently and allowing myself time alone and others time apart to help us become closer. Now in that time apart I need to learn to be less panicky and anxious, and I just need to let it go and say “right now they are doing what they need to so I can do what I need to do”. I’m slowly letting myself be more available to myself and becoming less reliant on others. It’s a work in progress but I’m proud of myself.

Don’t always expect something to come back to you right away, karma has no time limit. Do good for the sake of doing good and it will be returned back to you. This is something that I struggle the least with because I don’t expect many good things, however I can be slightly impatient with results and I sometimes don’t realise the time it will take to see results of something I am working towards. So what I need to learn, and to help my children at work learn, is that we don’t have to do something for the sake of getting something back. Don’t buy somebody a present to expect it back. Don’t give somebody a compliment to expect one back. Help somebody because they need it and know deep down you’ve accomplished something great and that something amazing will in turn come your way when you need it.

With it being the start of the month I wanted to begin on a self reflection, I wanted to start to cleanse myself of the bad times and work out targets for myself for the new year which realistically is just around the corner. A small challenge to all that got this far, do some self reflection of your own and tweet me ( at @allthingsalexx_ ) or comment on this post one trait your proud of and one thing you want to work on in 2019.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope to see you around these parts again soon!

Alex x

34 Comments

  1. I can relate to these Alex!! I also am a people-pleaser and for some people, you best will never be good enough. As long as we tried, I think that’s okay! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post, Alex!
    I think you will help inspire many others to do a little introspection as well. The world needs more strong, kind souls like yourself.

    Im really proud that I challenged myself both physically and mentally this year. I got back in shape (had baby #3 last year) focused on personal goals, growing my blog and photography business, and am also working on healing wounds from my childhood. I’m proud of my progress this year, and I’m excited to continue to learn and grow in 2019. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for commenting, it is always really appreciated. I really hope I can inspire people to reflect and grow into the amazing people they’re destined to be. I’m so glad you’re working on yourself and becoming someone you’re proud to be!
      Alex x

      Like

    1. Thank you so much for your comment Kelle, it isn’t easy to reach out when you need help and I’m always the last one to admit that so I’m glad that you could relate to what I had to say and realised the same as I did. I hope that things get easier for you!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment and the lovely feedback. It’s always so important to self reflect and evaluate, it shouldn’t all be bad though so I try to keep it balanced and say well I’m good at this but not so strong at this. So that’s why I uploaded this post and my things that make a great friend post (https://buff.ly/2zcWw4T) on the same week!
      Alex x

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  3. I’m a people pleaser too but sometimes we just have to realise that nothing we do will ever be good enough so we shouldn’t go breaking our backs for other people who wouldn’t do a thing for us! Self-reflection is super important and this post has encouraged me to do it more often!

    Jess // foundationsandfairytales.wordpress.com
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly it’s a trait which is a blessing and a curse sometimes. Thank you for your comment and your feedback, it’s so true what you say about self reflection and I agree completely. I’m glad it encouraged you to have a think about yourself and hopefully that will help you in the long run!
      Alex x

      Like

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment. It is true that self reflection and growth is so important as we get older so we can be on track to become who we want to be!

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    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words. These are things which many people struggle with so I’m glad that you could relate and can start to internalise the idea of self reflection and learning how to grow. I hope things get easier for you x

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    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment. Yeah compromise isn’t always easy but I think it’s a lesson we need to learn even if we don’t want to! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your comment and for reading. Yeah it can be a struggle to know where the problems lie but always start with yourself and see where that takes you

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  4. Such a good post! Sometimes it’s hard to admit with ourselves what we need to grow at. I was surprised to see your first one being learning to compromise. I feel it doesn’t come with growing up but with understanding yourself. Sometimes it’s hard to undo what you’ve been used to doing for so long.

    Cheers xx

    Rachel | http://www.myspottedblog.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah it is hard to swallow your pride and admit that you need to work on something, but we all need to do it so might as well start it on the start of the month! Yeah it isn’t an age thing at all you’re right, it’s a personal thing and I really struggle with compromise. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment xx

      Liked by 1 person

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