Hello my lovely friends, it’s been a minute. I have been taking a break for pretty much the entire month of May and it’s been an eventful one. Today I want to talk to you about that but also give a bit of advice if you’re dealing with similar experiences in your life too.
I decided to take a break because I just couldn’t handle the stress, that is the first and foremost fact. I had the stress of relationships, friendships, starting a new slightly more challenging job, driving lessons, college work and big daunting life decisions. It has been crazy in my life and I just haven’t handled it well. I am coming to the end of my current education journey and it is terrifying. No more comfort of college and school and now into the wide world making decisions which I have to enforce and deal with the consequences. This took the biggest toll on me and I just burnt out and shut down, which has been so hard to deal with. So I decided to remove something I love yet can cause me stress and nerves which is social media, this is such a stupid one because I love my blog and my friends online but I just couldn’t keep myself accountable for being consistent. This will be my first blog post since the 3rd May which is crazy to me because I adore writing so so much.
My first piece of advice for the times when you’re at the end of your patience and your energy, when you’re just so worn down you break is that you need to ride out that storm to then determine what you really want or need. I personally couldn’t have made any big decisions in that period of time because it would not be reflecting what I truly want in life. It wouldn’t reflect my true character. So what I did was look after myself and be open with people around me so I could ride out this mental storm. This was so beneficial to me and allowed me time and space to heal slightly and build up strength. Once I had done that I have been able to rationalise my thoughts and work out what I need to work on and what I don’t. Having this thought of holding on until everything settled allowed me to do what was best for me, my partner and my work. It helped me see what really matters and how much certain things contribute to these awful times.
It has been an up and down four weeks, some days I felt on top of the world and felt like nothing could bring me down. Then others I would be barely able to drag myself out of bed for work and I would spend the night crying in my bed or shower. It has been awful and amazing at the same time. Blinding yet enlightening. Painful but still durable. I have had many new goals and epiphanies which have helped me shape my mind for the future. It has given me the chance to reflect on myself and show what I need to work on in the future to become the person I want to become. I have been able to prioritise myself and my relationship so that we can both be healthy and happy in harmony so that we can be more than just a couple but two whole people together. Together we have found the true difference between being alone and being lonely and the benefits of alone time. What I’m really trying to say here guys is that I am growing and building upon myself so that I can then shine onto my inner circle and then outer circles. I am prioritising for a better future and a happier time.
A little update on how the past week has been as that’s been much more positive is that my job is going amazingly and that I’m really fitting it. I have been running my own sessions comfortably and my training will be ending very soon which is exciting as I can’t wait to be a proper member of the team. Jack and I have also been looking for a place to live as my contract will be getting boosted by September time and so we can afford to move in together properly. I have also got myself into a much better routine which will be even smoother once I finish college and I am working much more. I am now able to have Jack and I’s niece and nephew much more regularly which has been such an amazing thing. I am also going to start up my music again, playing guitar was such an incredible healer when I was struggling through my teens and so I want to use it again to heal my soul in the future. Since Jack is starting back at football I want my hobbies to be stronger and more fun for me so that I can also have a life alongside us. This is a really strong thing that’s come from my hardship these past few weeks.
So what’s going to happen here from now on you ask? I’m going to be using social media much less but I’m gonna be much more intentional with the time I do have (want to know more about intentionality? Read my post on it here). I am going to engage and interact with the people who inspire and care for me daily. I am going to be writing about things I love such as my faith, music, scary topics, feelings, my job, beauty and anything else I feel like. I want to share the good, the bad and the beautiful with you all so that you can see it and I can look back on it. So if you want to see how things are changing then do check out my twitter and Instagram to see how I am doing.
My summer goals
- Take priority over my health and well being. I want to look after myself more to then become the person I want to be for everyone I care about
- Choose happiness over money. So I’m gonna be slowly reducing my time at my second job to the amount that makes me genuinely happy and not just because of how much ends up in my account
- I am going to continue to compromise on things that will help my relationship become stronger and happier for both of us
- I am going to be intentional with my time, effort and words when it comes to people and to social media. I want to support and raise people up so that they can have the push to be the best they can be.
- Be honest about myself and my mental health, to allow myself that time away and to know that I am going through these feelings for a reason. It will make me stronger and I will get through it.
Thank you so much for reading today and I hope to see you around these parts again soon!