Advice&Answers with Alex

Months ago I posted on my socials about doing an Advice&Answers with Alex post and I had a few great questions and situations to use! So thank you to everyone who participated and I hope that I answered and gave some decent advice for you.

“Any advice for beginners just learning to play with colourful eyeshadow??”

Now if you follow my socials you will see that I am quite enamoured by the world of beauty, and that it has become a huge hobby for me in the past year. I mean I have posted reviews, hauls and looks all across my blog this past 6 months. One thing that I find so fun is eyeshadow, I mean you can be as creative as you need to be for as long as you’d like and end up looking fucking fabulous by the end of it. However I can also get so frustrated with eyeshadow as it doesn’t always go to plan and I can end up rage wiping it off my face. Something which has caused me much frustration has been colourful eyeshadow and especially colourful matte shadows. I mean I am not perfect at it and I feel like I’m still a beginner with makeup but I have a few pieces of advice for you if you want to start playing with colourful eyeshadows which hopefully help.

  • Know that warm tones tend to work and blend easier, couldn’t tell you how or why but it is truth. The cooler tones (Purple, Blue and Green) are much harder to formulate effectively compared to warmer tones such as (red, yellow and orange).
  • If you are really just starting out with colourful eyeshadow, start off with colourful shimmers. These are much easier to work with than matte shades, so If you wanted to start wearing blue shadow start off with a shimmer on the lid/lower lash line/inner corner and then once you’re confident with shimmers start with mattes
  • Practice loads and know that it won’t always work out in your favour, but also know its part of the process and you will improve the more you practice. Keep trying looks and experiment with different techniques where and when you can, this will help you out in the long run as you’ll find exactly what works for you.
  • Try out different bases and formulas to find one which you feel the most confident with. For example some like a wet eyeshadow base such as the P.Louise Base and some like a concealer which has been set with powder. Some people like to pat on the shadow with a dense brush and some like to wash and buff the colour with a fluffy brush. It is all personal preference and you should experiment with what you can so you can become an expert on your own techniques and preferences.

“How do you mix things up and keep things interesting in a relationship?”

Now this is an interesting question thank you.. I personally think there are many ways in which you can do to mix things up and keep a relationship interesting. One way in which I try to keep things interesting is changing and adding different sexual elements into my relationship. For my relationship sexual activity and physical contact is an important form of intimacy, we feel it brings us closer and gives us a way in which we can appreciate each other and make the other (and ourselves) feel amazing. Get them endorphins girl. So if you are in a sexual relationship and want to mix things up that way here are a few tips for you:

  • Introduce sex toys into the sexy time if you and your partner are comfortable with it. These can add some more excitement and interest into your intimate time with each other. For example you could get a remote controlled vibrator or butt plug which can be controlled by your partner, this can add something interesting to sex and also mix up what can become a routine.
  • Wear something which makes you feel really confident and let that self confidence shine out of you. If you feel sexy in a new outfit or set of lingerie then your partner will notice that and it can make them feel confident in you too. If you can confidently wear some sexy lingerie then you can conquer the world and anybody you want.
  • Sexting and other forms of sexual communication can work wonders on a sexual relationship. Discussing fantasies and sexual encounters with your partner(s) can really boost your communication skills and improve your relationships (if you want to learn more then check out Hannah Witton’s Doing It! Podcast episode on it).

However if you are wanting to mix things up and keep them interesting in a non-sexual way I also have some tips for you. One thing which is great for bringing people closer is spending more 1-1 time together and a perfect way to do that is by going on dates and having regular date nights. This could be once a week or twice a month, it doesn’t matter how frequent it is but making that effort can be exciting and also allows things to stay intimate. An idea I got off the wonderful Katie Snooks is having secret dates, this is where the people in the relationship take turns to plan and choose a date and it is a secret to the other person(s) until they go on the date. This keeps things interesting as you are planning something secret you’ve never done with your partner before or something which you know they will love and also there is an air of mystery about it. This is a great way to mix things up and it also can be as expensive or as affordable as you would like it to be. Other ways in which you can keep things interesting is:

  • Going on days out together so that you can explore and adventure together
  • Having dedicated time together such as meal times or certain days a week so you know you will get to spend quality time together that you can look forward to
  • Finding something to do exclusively together, that could be a hobby such as cooking, or visiting museums together, or going on hikes every Sunday afternoon, or even just watching a certain show together. This gives you a reason to spend time together and it also takes out any guess work as you know what you will be doing together so there’s no pressure to impress.

“How do you keep the relationship going after so many years?”

In all honesty this isn’t a question which has a formulaic answer, there isn’t a simple five step list to keep a relationship going. I think this question is answered based upon your relationship, the person you’re in a relationship with, your expectations of your relationship and also the circumstances of your relationships. However that being said I’m going to try my best to answer this in the most general and generic way so that if you’ve been wondering this question it can hopefully help you. I think will all types of relationships you need to base it upon trust, respect, happiness and love and that is the fundamentals of a healthy and strong relationship, whether that be a romantic or platonic relationship. If there is no trust, respect, happiness and love then there is bound to be cracks in the relationship as there is not a strong and steady foundation to it. The idea that the ‘perfect relationship’ (if it even exists) is always easy and shouldn’t feel like hard work is absolute bullshit. A relationship is two people navigating their lives parallel to each other and also trying to get them to intertwine in an effective balance, does any of that sound easy? Nah. What you’ve got to remember with relationships is that you aren’t two halves at all, you’re two whole people with entire lives separate and together and that should be respected. One tip I have for keeping a relationship going for years is to not be completely co-dependant on each other, whether that be emotionally, physically, mentally, socially or financially. You have to be your own person and have your own life/space and so does you partner. If you are in each other’s pockets 24/7 there is no way you’re not gonna crash and burn out. I think you need to find a balance in everything to do with relationships; balance in compromise, emotional support, time spent together and respectfully apart too. So you need to balance your own time with time with them in a way that allows you to be close but to also have some excitement/mystery. For me an important way to keep a relationship afloat is respect and honesty, I feel like if you can hide things from your partner and be dishonest with them you’re sailing right to disaster. For example, if you’re hiding the fact you are flirting with someone else and are dishonest about who you are talking to and what about, you are destroying the foundations of the relationship. You should feel confident and close enough to be honest about your feelings and things which could potentially effect a relationship. One thing you should most definitely be honest about with your partner or partners is about your personal expectations of the relationship. You should be able to discuss what you want out of the relationship and also what you don’t want out of it, this means that all parties involved are on the same page. So if you want an exclusive and monogamous relationship with your partner then let them know so they can decide whether that is what they also want from their relationships. From there you can build the relationship as you know what you want out of it and if that doesn’t match up you can also decide where you go from there. A relationship is less likely to last when the partners have different expectations because that can lead to betrayal of trust and respect. If one party wants a monogamous relationship and the other wants a polygamous relationship there is issues already because neither party can be comfortable or happy with the relationship regardless whichever way it ends up being.

  • If you want some more concise tips on long lasting relationships here you are:
  • Don’t lose yourself within the relationship because that adds more pressure to the relationship itself
  • Don’t treat your partner as something more than they actually are: if they are your partner they’re nit necessarily also your therapist and personal bank account. Know that there are people in your life with other roles and don’t just expect your partner to fill in all the characters.
  • Take time for each other whenever you can, whether that be a nice little date every few weeks or big breaks every year. Make sure you still make and take time for each other.
  • Communication is key. If you can not communicate effectively things will deteriorate. You need to be able to discuss issues without shouting and crying, you should be able to give or be given criticism without being defensive and in turn aggressive.
  • Take situations at face value and don’t add any sort of commentary to it. Instead of creating a story based upon the actions of your partner, take the actions at face value and discuss it with them. For example if your partner is excessively messaging somebody who they potentially could be attracted to or could be attracted to them, instead of assuming they’re being unfaithful and creating a narrative just simply inform them you’ve noticed that they are all of a sudden having a lot of conversation with someone who they could be attracted to and that you feel like that is causing some self confidence issues. This is much healthier and less aggressive than accusing them of cheating and telling them that they’re hiding things from you.

“How do you define work/life balance?”

This is the hardest questions yet because I really don’t have a work life balance and haven’t really had one since getting a job at 13. I would say that you should try to leave your work at work and so you’re not crossing the boundaries of work and home. My current job is quite easy to do that as there is nothing really to do outside of work for my job and so I can leave work behind when I leave. However if I was back at Nursery I would have paperwork coming out of my eyeballs which I wouldn’t be able to do at work and I would have to take home with me. I think if you have to take your work home or work from home you should set work hours so that you’re not letting it take over your entire life. You should also have a set work station so that you’re not working in your resting places. I think the best thing for having balance in life is having routines, if you have certain hours a day and days in the week that you work and then have certain times to visit friends or do self care you will be able to create a balance easier. Also hold onto the fact that your life consists of more than just your job, you are more than just an employee and that the second you dropped dead you would be replaced so prioritise life over work. Work to live and not live to work and all that.

“What is your advice to new bloggers? Would you recommend blogging daily?”

Well I have a few posts on starting out a blog which I will link for you but I will give you a brief summary of my advice for new bloggers in case you just want a quick condense answer. If you’re starting blogging to gain millions of followers, get hella Adsense and get all the PR in the world don’t bother. Blogging is a hobby before its a job, it should be a passion before it becomes a career. I find blogging so difficult when you put pressure on yourself, whether that’s to be a certain way or to post certain content. You want to enjoy it and to have drive to do it well but for the right reasons. You want to connect with an audience and share your thoughts, opinions and reviews on things which may be useful to others. To educate or to entertain. Other pieces of advice I have is to write what you know about and make posts you are proud of. If you have to force yourself to write a piece your heart isn’t into you need to stop writing it, your readers can tell when somethings been half arsed.

To answer your second question of would I recommend blogging daily, my answer is I don’t know really. I have never tried because I would fall flat on my face pretty quickly. I couldn’t imagine the pressure of writing 7 posts a week every week. They would come out horrendous and that wouldn’t be ideal for anybody. I think you would run out of ideas pretty quick and people would struggle to keep up with your content. However if you think you could post everyday then go for it, you do you boo. Always do what’s best for you because you’re the one doing it. Despite the fact I couldn’t post everyday, I do like to try to write, read, like, comment and reply everyday. I like keeping up with the blogging world and keeping my blog going and by doing little and often it really helps with keeping afloat.

“How do you deal with career or job changes?”

If you’ve been following me for a while you’ll know that the nursery I was working out shut down suddenly in December and I was absolutely gutted. As much as it has worked out now it was such a difficult thing to go through, it was the job which I was just getting my groove into and I was going to be starting my future career there in a job I ADORED. At first I didn’t deal with the change in job as I wasn’t ready to move on and it wasn’t my choice to change jobs, however after a while I spent sometime rebuilding my confidence in my professional self (I have written a post on how to do that which I will leave linked here). Once I got my job which I’m in now I was so grateful for the change, I am in a less stressful job with incredible people and it has some really great benefits right now for more money. It worked out for me and I just had to trust that the Lord had something better in store for me. I think changing job and starting in a new place can be SO daunting but just try to relax and be yourself, you want to come across as the best version of yourself but you also don’t want to be fake. Just don’t ever doubt yourself or your ability because you wouldn’t be going into the field or position you’re going for if you weren’t passionate and good at it. Employers can see right through you.

“How do you deal with heartbreak?”

Heartbreak can come in so many different forms and I quickly want to touch on a few different ones to try and answer this question as thoroughly as I can. Heartbreak in the form of a failed or broken relationship can be so tricky, I have only dealt with this once in my life and it was a very tumultuous time of my life. During this time I made every mistake in the book and these I want to share with you so you don’t make them. For me I was in a really toxic relationship way too young which resulted in manipulation, aggression and ultimately heartbreak. One way to deal with heartbreak is trying to find out the true cause of it, the real reason why you feel heartbroken in the first place. So for me I was heartbroken that I no longer had the person I had at the start and that I also wasn’t the person I was before, that was what broke my heart the most; I had started off with a loving, kind partner and ended up with a lying, cheating shit stain for a boyfriend. I also had lost my light and my confidence which was awful because I had to try to find myself again. The way I should’ve dealt with it was to wallow for only a few days and then confront my problems head on, I should’ve told myself some home truths about what I was sad about and made proactive steps to change that. So if you’re dealing with this and need to find your happiness and spark again I would recommend doing things you’ve always loved, so maybe go to your favourite places with your close friends or family and do things you once loved doing. BUT DONT LET YOUR EX BE THAT THING. I REPEAT DO NOT GO BACK THERE. They’re going out of your life for a reason even if its temporary so just let it happen. That’s not going to let you heal AT ALL and you need to heal my love.

  • Do what you used to love
  • Spend time with people who make you smile and laugh naturally
  • Find a new hobby
  • Be gentle with yourself
  • Spend the time you would’ve spent with them on things which will build you up
  • Do things for yourself

However if you’re talking about heartbreak from things such as loss or grief then that’s a different ball pool and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. The most important thing is to protect yourself as much as you can, for example if you feel that seeing that loved one after they’ve passed will damage your mental health in anyway then just don’t do it. Even if you think you might regret it later on in life, you should protect your mental health now when things are hard and deal with any regrets further down the line. Take things easy, don’t try to force yourself do things you could cope with before the trauma because it’ll all come crashing down in the end. Allow yourself the time to feel your feelings and validate them before you try to move forward, if they’re not dealt with they could rear their ugly head later on in life and could be much harder to deal with then. Try to find someone you can talk to regularly about everything so that you don’t feel so alone with your feelings, it is always useful to have somebody fully informed so that if you need something in an emergency there won’t be any questions asked. Let yourself mourn and just go easy on yourself for a while, you’re dealing with trauma so let your brain heal before you hurtle your way into things.

That was my first advice&answers with Alex post, I really hope you enjoyed it! What do you guys think? Do you like this type of post? If so please get in touch via social media or in the comment section if you have any other questions for me!

Thank you so much for reading today and I hope to see you around these parts again soon! If you like this type of content please like, comment and subscribe to see more from me. Have a great day!

Alex xx

2 Comments

  1. I was nodding my head in agreement when you said, “Blogging is a hobby before its a job, it should be a passion before it becomes a career.” 💯

    I think too many bloggers and vloggers get into posting for the wrong reasons, and then get so frustrated when they don’t sky rocket to immediate success. You’re totally correct that blogging should be a hobby first! 💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much girl, I’m glad you found some truth and something to relate to in this post. It’s something I want people to know because at the end of the day we should do things intentionally and have good intentions🧡

      Like

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